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Many of us have extensive prerequisite checklists before even considering going on a first date. Maybe you want someone who is exactly like you, whether it’s interests, religion, or background. Maybe you’re not looking twice at people who have a certain dating history, are over a certain age, or own a cat (because you’re way more of a dog person). While shared values are crucial and compatibility is often determined by similarities, try getting to know someone before making assumptions based on your prerequisites. The only “prerequisites” you need are your non-negotiable values, like kindness, integrity, and humor. Otherwise, base opinions on how you feel, not off of a checklist. Pay attention to the person in front of you and try not to project a narrative or assign meaning to traits before you even know the person. Ask questions and genuinely care about why someone is the way they are before determining whether or not they are for you.
First of all, besides the satisfaction you get from socializing with another human being, there’re a lot of things you can know from interacting with people in person that you can’t get through dating apps. Besides, most dating profiles are not accurate representations of people. The convenience of simply swiping on dating apps can make you neglect opportunities to interact with potential romantic partners around you. And this will make you miss out on great opportunities. It’s okay to show a woman that you care about her. But most guys go too far trying to make a woman accept them. Their need for approval stems from a place of insecurity. A man’s need for acceptance might make him lie or omit details about himself that he thinks the girl may not like.
You don’t need to be an A-class mechanic, plumber, or electrician. But if you happen to have any of these skills, then it’s an added advantage to you. The point is that ladies like men who know how to fix things. And the reason is simple. For a woman, watching a man fix something that is broken is like watching a magician perform his tricks. And one of the reasons for this is that fixing things is not a skill most women are interested in. This is partly why women dominate careers like nursing while men dominate engineering or architecture. Hence, seeing a man do his thing, fixing broken stuff, as simple as it might seem to most men, is just an amazing sight for most women.
Ask for Clarification: If your date makes a comment that you don’t understand, smile, and politely ask them for an explanation. Sometimes I use humor to do this, “Educate me, can you explain, I really don’t understand?” That gives your date a chance to elaborate on the subject while you get the chance to better understand their values, perspectives on life, interest and a whole realm of other important factors while getting to know someone out in the dating wilderness.
FYI: Being alone is a good thing. A single relationship status or even just time spent on our own allows us to turn inward, explore our truest desires, and get to know ourselves better. When we know ourselves and what we want, our dating lives become more fulfilling, successful, and fun. Any amount of time alone can be invested to understand what we want out of a partner, but more importantly, it can make us feel so whole we don’t need a partner. Let me go on a quick tangent about a few outdated dating rules that we really should ditch, like, yesterday. To start, my least favorites of all dating rules are “Don’t kiss on the first date” and the “Three-date rule.” Let’s just throw out any rules that imply that what you want to do with your body and when you want to do it are not up to you. Make your own rules based on comfortability and what you’re feeling.
Many singles are unknowingly sabotaging their own chances of meeting someone great because they’re mentally hung on someone. It could be an ex they can’t let go of, or someone they only know from a distance but are convinced is their happily ever after. Real, lasting love doesn’t happen in your head. And it can be far too easy to get swept away by a fantasy. But these fantasies can hold you back — for example, if you’re still obsessing over the idea of getting back together with your last partner, you may totally miss out on the amazing person standing right in front of you at a party, work gathering, wedding, or another event.
One reason why many singles struggle to find lasting love is that they have what’s called a “bad picker.” They keep chasing after the same type of person — say, a bad boy with a fear of commitment, a beautiful but shallow woman who’s only after their money, or a controlling man who they mistake for caring and protective. Then they wonder why all their relationships seem to end the same way. If you’ve been having deja vu in dating — and not in a good way — it’s probably a good idea to shake things up and get out of your comfort zone. Specifically, letting someone else find you a date can prevent you from falling prey to those same old toxic habits.
How you feel when you are with them is another important factor. If you feel easy, safe and secure effortlessly, it is a green flag. They have created an atmosphere which is safe and feels like home to you where you can discuss everything and anything with them. Everyone is busy with their hectic personal and professional lives, but the one who makes time for you despite being busy is a green flag. If they take time to spend moments with you within their jam-packed schedule, then this is a green sign that they are the one who cares for you and loves you.
Don’t…let the last two years deter you from finding love. If the pandemic has taught us anything, it’s to cherish life. Reflect and really think about what is important to you. If you’re single and want to look for love, make it a priority and don’t be afraid. Do…be your full, authentic self. Being true to yourself and confident in who you are is one of the most attractive qualities. And people are super attracted to confidence.